


Run No More

by elusivelover_archivist



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-26 16:06:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17144849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elusivelover_archivist/pseuds/elusivelover_archivist
Summary: By GwendolenLuke thinks he has found sanctuary on Tatooine – until Han arrives with an invitation to Leia's wedding.





	Run No More

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Cara Loup, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Elusive Lover](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Elusive_Lover_\(Star_Wars_archive\)) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Elusive Lover’s collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/ElusiveLover).

At night the desert came alive. Luke opened his senses and felt the stirring of life, heard the scratching and crawling of little feet, the gliding of reptilians on the sand, all waking up to begin their nocturnal life as soon as the sun had vanished, and it finally became cooler.

Life was strange and seemed to move in circles, Luke mused as he stood by the window watching the desert. He had never really anticipated that he would ever return to Tatooine – but here he was, back where everything had started.

He allowed his mind to review the events of those last years. The destruction of the second Death Star had become a turning point for the Rebellion, but didn’t end the war. Even now, the battles and skirmishes continued, local warlords and Imperial commanders trying to keep whatever power they’d gained in the times of the Empire or establishing their own spheres of influence.

Luke himself had returned to Tatooine – at first only to settle some private affairs like selling his uncle’s farm and taking a closer look at Obi-Wan Kenobi’s house and whatever he might find there. But for some reason, he had stayed, living in Kenobi’s old home.

Off and on, he rejoined the Alliance forces when they needed him, always ready to offer his help, but he’d settled down in Ben’s old house. Leia had made it possible for him to access all data about the Jedi knights and their teachings that the Alliance and the Empire had gathered, and he spent most of his time studying them.

Luke realized that sooner or later, young people would approach him seeking instruction, asking to be trained in the use of the Force. He still wasn’t sure whether he was really up to teaching others, or whether he should try at all. There was always the threat of failing – like Obi-Wan had. And right now, he still felt much too young to be a teacher. Maybe sometime soon he would leave his self-imposed exile and travel to the stars again.

He’d always expected Leia to be his first student, but she had made it clear right from the start that she wasn’t interested in being trained as a Jedi. Wasn’t interested and didn’t have the time for it. And after a while Luke had to agree with her. There were other things she had to do and so many places where her expertise was needed.

Thinking about his twin sister brought a smile to Luke’s face. She had contacted him a few days ago, and her news had been very good. Leia seemed to have found happiness at last and was getting married to a young man she had met during one of her diplomatic missions.

Luke still remembered the time immediately after her break-up with Han. Back then, she had sounded so very sad and lost. But now Leia had regained her inner balance. When he concentrated on her, Luke could even feel her contentment and happiness deep inside himself.

Leia had also mentioned Han briefly, but there wasn’t much she could tell him. Han seemed to be on the move constantly, doing this and that.

Han! Beautiful, stubborn, impossible, irresistible Han. The haunter of his more pleasant dreams. Luke shook his head and tried to chase the thoughts of his old friend away, but as usual, it was difficult. Even after all this time, the temptation to abandon himself to daydreams, to wishing and wondering, was strong. Luke breathed in deeply and forced his emotions back under control.

Suddenly, he felt a presence behind him and turned around. For a second, he didn’t trust his eyes when he saw the lanky, tall man leanin against the door-frame, watching him. Han!

Momentarily, Luke wondered if he was a manifestation of his own daydreams and wishful thinking, but then his wide-open senses told him the man was real.

He was surprised and slightly annoyed with himself, because he should have noticed the other man’s arrival. But obviously he’d been so deep in thought that he was unaware of his surroundings.

Luke raised his mental barriers and forced calm into his being, a calm he would need for the coming confrontation.

"Han!" He inclined his head in greeting, studying the other man closely. Han looked tired and almost haggard as though he’d lost weight, and there were new lines on his face, heightening the impression of weariness. For a moment, Luke was tempted to take the older man in his arms and chase away the obvious exhaustion, but he forced those feelings down.

A fleeting grin appeared on the Corellian’s face, and he nodded at Luke.

"What brought you here?" Luke asked cautiously.

"Just wanted to see how you’re doing," Han drawled almost dismissively and shrugged.

"Well, as you can see, I’m doing fine," Luke told him coolly, unwilling to talk to Han any longer than absolutely necessary. An uncomfortable silence filled the room, and Luke turned his back on the other man.

It was bizarre how quickly their friendship had disintegrated, until even talking to each other became a problem. The old, easy companionship seemed to have vanished, was simply gone. Luke desperately wanted Han to leave – to leave him alone and in peace, but he knew the other man too well to hope for compliance. Han had always been incredibly stubborn and never listened to reason, even when it was for his own good.

"Still running, Luke?" Han suddenly asked, his voice hard and sarcastic.

Luke froze, staring out of the window at the darkened desert. Running? He stiffened when he felt Han move closer, waited for Han to touch him, but the anticipated touch never came. At the last instant, Han seemed to hesitate; however, he still stood much too close for Luke to feel comfortable.

"Leia’s getting married," he told Han coldly, trying to hurt the other man, to drive him away.

"I know," Han replied, unusually calm. "I feel happy for her, and she really deserves it. I know the guy, met him once. He’s a nice man and quite obviously adores her. Totally devoted. There won’t be any shouting matches between those two." He laughed softly.

Luke smiled briefly, remembering some of the fights between his headstrong sister and Han that he’d witnessed.

"That’s part of the reason why I’m here," Han continued. "Leia asked me to come and get you, so you’ll be there to attend the wedding ceremony."

"Oh. Really?" The idea of spending hours alone with Han aboard the Millennium Falcon wasn’t very appealing. Or maybe it was too appealing?

"What about you, Luke?" Han inquired, his voice warm and tender.

"What about me?" Luke asked tensely, snapping back into defensiveness, afraid of what Han might ask, might want from him.

"Oh, you know, the usual stuff," Han said, sounding nonchalant, almost cheerful. "Are you happy? Found someone to share those long and lonely nights with? Or are you still running?" His voice had dropped to become dark and questioning, sending a shiver over Luke’s back.

"No," Luke told him brusquely, feeling defensive and hating it.

"No?" Han repeated, mock-surprise and a touch of sarcasm clear in his voice. "No to what? To all those questions? Or just one of them?"

Finally, Luke turned around and glared at him. Han pushed both hands through his hair, messing it up, then sighed wearily. He took another step closer until they were almost touching. Luke could feel his closeness, his warmth and strength, all of it creating shivers that raced down his spine. Only his self-control kept him from responding to the seductive closeness. It would be wrong, he told himself over and over again. It would be wrong!

Han sighed again and shook his head. "Look, I don’t wanna fight with you, but..." He lifted a hand and almost touched Luke’s cheek, but then hesitated and dropped his hand again.

"Gods, Luke, why do you do this to yourself? To us?" he pressed. "You know I love you. I’ve told you before. And I know that you love me. Leia was ready to forgive me months ago. Why can’t you?"

Luke turned away. Han was right, he did love him, had always loved him, but he’d never expected his feelings to be returned. The thought itself scared him more than he wanted to admit. Living without love was so much easier, so much safer. And then there was Leia.

"What are you afraid of, Luke?" Han asked wearily. For a long moment they stared at each other, challenging, until Han finally lowered his gaze and turned away.

"Very well, have it your way, kid."

Luke cringed at the familiar nickname. Han was the only one who still called him ‘kid’, and it always sent a jab of pure pain into his heart. It carried so many memories and emotions.

"Got a place where I can crash for the night?" Han asked. "I’d hate to head back to Mos Eisley now that it’s dark outside."

Undecided, Luke only looked at him and for a fleeting moment came close to asking Han to leave, but then he nodded. "Yeah, I’ve got a spare bed for you. Come on."

He showed Han to one of the small, unused rooms he had discovered during his exploration of the house. Their existence had surprised him a bit, but maybe Ben had considered taking on another student. Furnished with a small bunk, a worktable and a cupboard, the room was as austere as the rest of the place. Han nodded his thanks and flopped down on the narrow bed.

"I’ll leave in the morning," he told Luke in a resigned, defeated tone. "Don’t worry, I’m not gonna bother you anymore."

They looked at each other until Luke hastily turned and left the room. "Good night, Han."

"‘Night, Luke."

[][][]

Back in his own room, Luke undressed slowly and slid between the cool sheets of his bed. He closed his eyes and willed himself to fall asleep, but while normally he succeeded easily, he failed tonight. Time and again, his thoughts returned to Han and their talk. Or non-talk?

Again, Luke had to admit that Han was right, he did love him. And he was sure that Han had told him the truth when he claimed to feel the same way. There were many things that could be said about Han, but he’d never been a pretender and wouldn’t lie about something that important. However, Luke couldn’t allow those feelings – he just couldn’t.

Unthinkable to love the man who’d left his sister when he’d finally realized it was her brother he loved. Luke couldn’t trust the man who’d caused Leia so much pain. Even after all this time it felt like betrayal. And loving someone so much was a weakness Luke couldn’t allow himself. It was better to keep people at a distance, much better and safer. So much safer.

Using the meditation techniques Ben and Yoda had taught him, Luke finally managed to relax, but when sleep came, it was troubled and filled with dreams. 

 

_He was back on the Death Star, in the Emperor’s throne room. Palpatine was watching him avidly, with a triumphant, chilling smile. And next to the Emperor stood Han._

_The sight of his friend froze Luke. What was he doing here? He shouldn’t be here!_

_He studied the older man closely. While Han looked tired and defeated, his eyes were fixed on Luke. The young Jedi could clearly see the love and the sadness in Han’s gaze, and it almost stopped his heart_.

 _Palpatine’s hand closed around Han’s arm possessively, and he began to drag him away_.

_No! Luke wanted to scream, but was unable to. No sound came out of his mouth, his whole body felt paralyzed. Before they disappeared into the shadows, the Emperor turned around and smiled. "Don’t worry. He won’t bother you anymore."_

_And with these words they were gone. The last thing Luke saw was Han casting him a desperate glance. His lips seemed to form a word, a name. Luke?_

 

Panting, Luke sat up in his bed. Confused, he looked around until he remembered where he was. With a sigh, he relaxed. The nightmare itself wasn’t so unfamiliar. He often dreamed of his encounter with the Emperor, but Han’s presence was bizarre and disturbing. Normally Han only haunted his pleasant dreams, not his nightmares. Luke tried to dismiss the experience and concentrate on other things. He’d never liked to contemplate his dreams – they troubled him too much.

But he couldn’t get rid of the bitter aftertaste, and as his thoughts returned to his conversation with Han, Luke heard his last words again: _Don’t worry, I won’t bother you anymore, won’t bother you anymore, won’t bother you anymore..._

At the time, he really hadn’t payed much attention to what Han was saying, had only been intent on getting away as quickly as possible.

Now those words sounded very much like a threat, and Luke had to admit that if it was a threat, it was working perfectly. The mere idea of never seeing Han, never seeing that crooked smile again was frightening. To imagine that Han, irritating as he could be sometimes, would no longer be part of his life, and he’d receive news about him only from others, maybe even strangers, painted a very bleak picture of the future. Despite the disastrous development of their friendship, he had always taken comfort from the knowledge that Han was around and that he could count on seeing him occasionally. But to never see him again was a devastating notion.

Luke tried to dismiss the thought, tried to persuade himself that all Han had implied was he’d never mention their feelings for each other again, that he wouldn’t confront Luke with them anymore. That they would still see each other now and then as friends.

Han wasn’t the type to take something like this so hard. Unlike Luke, he lived entirely in the present, didn’t waste much time thinking about the past or worrying about the future. Yet the uneasiness Luke felt refused to go away, and he just couldn’t shake the fear. Never again...

...to be with Han, to breathe his unique scent, hear him laugh or scoff at something or somebody, feel his strength and support... never again?

_Still running, Luke?_

All too clearly, Luke recalled that question, and he was forced to admit that he’d been trying to escape by hiding himself here – on Tatooine, in the past. But wasn’t that the lesson Palpatine had taught him? A lesson Ben and Yoda seemed to have learned as well, choosing to live all alone in some remote corner of the galaxy. Avoiding love, avoiding feelings, because aloofness alone offered safety and sanity.

He sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. Maybe Han really was right, and the time had come to stop running – time to accept love, Han’s love and all it promised. Luke wanted to give in, but never before had it seemed so difficult.

How would Leia react? What would she say? Wouldn’t it hurt her again, wouldn’t seeing them together be a constant, painful reminder of the past?

Luke rose, slipped into his dark robe. Wandering to the window, he opened the shutters and stared out into the night. What was he to do?

Luke shook his head, it was all so complex. Why did he have to fall in love in the first place?

After a while, he decided that maybe talking to Han would be helpful. There seemed to be no other way than to try and make him understand. Luke crossed the room and was out of the door before he could question the wisdom of his decision and convince himself that confronting Han would only make things worse.

Standing in front of the door to Han’s room, Luke lifted his hand and hesitated for another brief moment before he knocked gently. The immediate response told him that Han wasn’t sleeping either.

Slowly, Luke opened the door and entered, looking at the man sitting on the bed. Han had removed his boots and shirt and wore only his black pants. Suddenly Luke’s heart fluttered in his throat. He had to force himself to stop staring at the alluring sight. The temptation to simply embrace Han was almost overwhelming.

Confused, Luke turned away. "Han, I think we need to talk."

A noncommittal grunt was his only answer. Irritably, Luke turned back and glared at the older man. "I don’t like being blackmailed," he snapped.

"Am I blackmailing you?" came the smooth reply.

That answer disconcerted Luke momentarily, and he wondered whether he’d misinterpreted Han’s announcement, but then he shook his head. "I know what you were insinuating."

"Do you?" Han asked, trying to sound snappish but not quite succeeding.

Luke moved closer to the bed. "I don’t want you to leave, Han, to just disappear. We’re still friends after all."

"Are we?"

At a loss for words, Luke stared at the Corellian. Han had never been so uncommunicative before. For a second he was tempted to simply leave, but Han’s voice stopped him.

"Why, Luke? Just tell me why you’re doing this. I just can’t see any reason why you should fight me so hard!" Han looked confused, even a bit lost as he implored Luke for explanations.

" _No reason_? What about Leia? How do you think she’ll feel, seeing her former lover and her brother together?"

Han only shook his head. "I told you she forgave me. Actually, it was Leia who talked me into coming here to try again. She said after all this time, you and I deserved some happiness of our own. Guess she feels pretty generous right now and wants everybody else to share her happiness." He broke off with a shrug.

Caught by surprise, Luke was unable to answer. If Leia gave them her blessing, didn’t that change everything? It was a situation he’d never even dared to imagine. Wasn’t he free to love Han now? Then why did it still feel wrong?

"Stop running, Luke!" Han suddenly snapped, grabbing his arms.

Bewildered, Luke looked up – he hadn’t even noticed when Han rose from the bunk and moved towards him. "I’m not running," he said slowly, gazing into stormy dark eyes.

Han shook his head, and a muscle in his jaw twitched. "I can see you’re running – I’ve done it myself, for much too long," he offered. "But there’s nothing to be afraid of, Luke. Stop making excuses."

Luke snorted irritably, frowning while he searched for the right words.

"I had this dream, you know," he explained hesitantly. "I was on the Death Star confronting the Emperor – but you were with him and... and he was taking you from me." This time he grasped the other man by his upper arms, almost shaking him. "Don’t you realize, Han? Something like that could happen easily. I’m exposing you to all kinds of danger just because of what I am. You could be killed or kidnapped or worse just because somebody wants to get to me."

Han only stared at him and finally shook his head. "But – Luke, don’t you realize that I’ve worried about that just the same? The same could happen to you. There’s lots of people out there that don’t like me very much, old enemies with old scores to settle. And they could easily use you or the way I feel about you against me. So what? I know you can take care of yourself. And so can I." He paused. "Face it, Luke, I’m willing to take the risk, and there’s nothing you can do about it." Han sounded firm.

"You’ve really thought a lot about that, haven’t you?" Luke asked, astonished. He’d never considered Han much of a thinker. "I seem to be fighting a losing battle." He tilted his head, smiling reluctantly.

Han chuckled. "Yeah, so give in gracefully and stop all that nonsense. I’m getting fed up with it."

Luke felt cornered, his only option seemed to be surrender, and he wasn’t sure whether he liked that or not. He still worried about Han – but then long, warm fingers touched his chin.

"Stop worrying so much, kid," he was admonished – and then he was kissed. It started with the barest grazing of their lips, but the texture of the kiss quickly changed, became passionate and hungry. Luke moaned low in his throat and pressed against the taller body while his mouth was very thoroughly explored. After a seemingly endless time he was released, and a husky, breathless voice said, "Now tell me again that we’re just friends, nothing more."

Luke was shaking, his body tingling, and he was breathing hard. After that kiss, he couldn’t reject Han any longer. He’d wanted this for so long, had dreamed about it too often.

Luke wrapped his arms around the other man, holding on tight. "Don’t leave me," he murmured, his face pressed against a hard, warm chest, not sure whether Han could hear him.

Soft lips touched his hair, his temple, and strong arms closed around him. "I’ll never leave you."

"Promises, Han? I thought you didn’t believe in forever," Luke said and looked up.

A fleeting grin crossed Han’s face. "With you, I’m willing to believe in anything. Or maybe I’m just getting old."

Luke only laughed and leaned up to be kissed again. Grinning, Han complied. Still amazed at himself, Luke’s fingers feathered across Han’s face, tracing the fine lines around his eyes.

"You look tired," he observed.

"It’s been a long day."

"Then let’s go to bed."

"Best offer I’ve had all day," Han replied with a leer that was spoiled by a yawn, and Luke had to laugh again.

He fumbled with the fasteners of Han’s trousers, stepped back when Han batted his fingers away, and then pushed the unresisting man on the bed. Shedding his robe, Luke slipped between the cool sheets.

Flinging his arms around the hard body, he cuddled closer with a sigh and smiled when Han’s arms closed around him, holding him tight – as if Han was afraid he might vanish.

Han yawned again, and then his lips touched Luke’s temple. "I’ve dreamed of this," he murmured. "Just holding you."

Luke smiled contentedly – because he knew exactly what Han meant. He’d never imagined that the simple act of holding a loved one, just lying together, could feel so perfect. Never before had he felt so safe and loved.

[][][]


End file.
